The Art of Arranged Marraige

This week began with my very dear cousin giving me the best news of the year that he has decided to get married. It all started a few months back. First the families met, which was followed by a few more meetings between the boy and the girl and finally they decided to tie the knot. My cousin is a gem of a person and a true gentleman. My ‘gonna-be-bhabhi’ is a real lucky lady. After all the congratulations, my mind shifted to the scary fact that I would be next in line for the coveted throne called ‘Marriage’. My thoughts go out to my poor ‘gonna-be-wife’. If you happen to read this anytime, I must say sorry in advance.

“Arranged Marriage” – Now here is a word that has been redefined with changing times, here in India. Bollywood movies give a guy his very first impression of ‘seeing a girl’. The meeting takes place in the girls’ home. The guy has to sit there with his entire family and first only speak to the girls’ parents and relatives. That’s where they judge if the guy is capable for their dearest daughter. Than after a while the girl, dressed in a new saree with the pallu over her head, enters from nowhere with a tray, containing a tea kettle, sugar cubes, milk jug and couple of cups and saucers. Than the first question:
Girl: “Kitna sakhar chahiye ji?”
Boy: “Do chamach. Shukriya”

Tea is normally followed by plenty of blushing by both the girl and the boy. The tension eases when the couple are forced to move into a separate room and ask personal questions. Bollywood again teaches us that strange things can happen here. For example, in the movie Roja, the girl admits that she has a boyfriend from childhood belonging to another caste and requests the boy to reject the proposal. But majority of the times, the deal is struck in the room between the boy and the girl. The first personal one-on-one talk gives a good idea of how smart or stupid the other person is.

Now, lets shift the scene to 2009 – the first noticeable change, is the venue. Café Cofee Day or Barista at a location which is far away from either of their homes. The girls are no longer shy. She is the beautiful, dynamic, working woman of today who carries off an attitude that makes her look sexy. She hates the stares of the public and commands respect from her partner and friends. She asks the important questions and is first to make the decision, whether to slam the door on the guy or not!!
I, fortunately or unfortunately, havn’t been in a situation like this but like to visualize a few situations I might face and learn as I go along:

Scene 1:
Girl1: What kinda job do you do?
Me: I design chips
Girl1: yuccckkk……you make (potato) chips!!!

SLAMMMMM!!

Scene 2:
Girl2: What kinda job do you do?
Me: I design Integrated Circuit Chips
Girl2: WOW!!!.......and what other interests do you have?
Me: I love physics. Currently, in my free time, I am researching into the effects of Einsteins mass- energy equivalence equation in explaining Relativity.

SLAMMMMM!!

Scene 3:
Girl3: What kinda job do you do?
Me: I design Integrated Circuit Chips
Girl3: WOW!!!!......and what other interests do you have?
Me: Well…. I love travelling, listening to music and ….(ahem) reading
Girl3: Not bad…….Do you drink, smoke etc??
Me: hmmm….err….hmmmm

SLAMMMMM!!

Scene 4:
Girl4: What kinda job do you do?
Me: I design Integrated Circuit Chips
Girl4: WOW!!!!......and what other interests do you have?
Me: Well…. I love travelling, listening to music and ….(ahem) reading
Girl4: Not bad…….Do you drink, smoke etc??
Me: (ahem)….NO
Girl4: Can you cook?
Me: Yes I can…..My speciality is non veg.
Girl4: Ok good. I will consider your proposal. My parents will get back to your parents with my decision and valuable feedback. Thanks for coming. Please pay the bill and make sure you leave a decent tip to the cute waiter. Chow.

PHEWWW!!

However the ideal situation for me would be to visualize myself as the guy in the new Hero Honda Pleasure ad featuring Priyanka Chopra (ofcourse, with a few modifications of my own). The first change being that Priyanka Chopra picks me up, by chance, from Mumbai airport, instead of the train station in Punjab. Secondly the scene on the bike modified as below:

PC: Katar Singh ke yahan kya kaam hain?
Me: Unki beti ko dekhne jaa raha hoon (well I’ve seen the ad and know that PC is Mr. Katar Singh’s daughter)
PC: oye….sadde Manjeet (with a smile)
Me: Haan……must be a good looking and beautiful city girl (my trump card)
PC: (another smile….this time with a blush)

SUCCESS….!!!!!!!!!

Soon I am engaged and in a few months, I am dead (oh sorry – Married!!)

Until that day comes, I will continue to sing the following song:
“You see the whole country and this system is juxtaposition, by the haemoglobin in the atmosphere, because you are a sophisticated rhetoration, intoxicated by the exuberance of your own verbosity!!!
WHAT!!!!!!
My name is Anthony Gonsalves…….MEIN DUNIYA MEIN AKELA HOON”
:)

Comments

Nishat said…
Truely amazing post dude :-) !!
I too perspire by the thought of those dreaded meetings. Good thing to know that girls are now taking control of the one-on-one. Sort of eases the pressure on us poor hapless souls. One more thing, the learning curve is directly proptional to the number of girls you see, and subsequently, the time too. Kahin aisa naa ho, ki hum rejected category mein aa jaaye by the time we become pros at it.
June 6, 2008 at 11:22 AM
Prasan Shanbhag said…
Dost....hum 'rejected' category wale nahi hain.

Hum jahan khade rehte hain...'most wanted' ki line wahin se chalu hoti hain.

I leave the 'most wanted' intrepretation to you :)
June 6, 2008 at 11:37 AM
Sumita said…
Chalo, kuch nahin to confidence sahi!!!!!!
I enjoyed reading your post most thoroughly. Just remember, whether the girl takes control of the situation or not - always hold the door, take some flowers and pay for the coffee (yours AND hers!!!) My dear husband did NONE of the above, dont know what I was thinking!!!!!
June 9, 2008 at 8:50 PM
Prasan Shanbhag said…
I must meet Bimal bfore my turn comes. I need to know his secret ;)
June 10, 2008 at 10:18 AM
Charu said…
Potato chips ??? only you can come up with that ...she is a smart, working women of today, there are more chances of door being slammed on your jokes than your profession or intersts or smoking :P
June 16, 2008 at 7:44 PM
Prasan Shanbhag said…
@Charu - So what if she is the smart, working woman of today. SHE IS STILL A WOMAN. I am sure they can't distinguish betn potato and electronic chips...hahahaha
June 17, 2008 at 2:21 PM
Nishat said…
I agree with Prasan on this. She is after all a women. She is bound to take it that way. Come to think of it, what all shapes do you design chips in ??
June 17, 2008 at 5:48 PM
Charu said…
I thought he was alone... looks like he has company :)...Guys dont undermine your own intelligence by saying that you would marry such a girl... if u think that all women are like that...then you should marry a man to match intelligence level :P
June 17, 2008 at 6:38 PM
Nandini Kamat Kunde said…
Good work ....can i please come along when your meeting these women at the Cafe ill sit quietly at another table and observe probably write a book on What Not To Do in an Arranged Marraige ...maybe ill even help you out with these women........potato chips seriously dude dont undermine the female intelligence....yeah some them might think ur workin with Lays Co.helpin Dhoni and Saif design chips......obviously ur gonna get urself a chick who can cook some amazing fish and fulfill all ur wishes after all u are the blue eyed boy of the family(pun intended)until then khoj jari rakhiye aur akele hain to kya ghum hai.......chahe to....blah blah blah.....
June 20, 2008 at 10:18 AM
Prasan Shanbhag said…
@Nandini - "Blue eyed boy" looks like we havn't met for quite some time!!! ........hehehe

Also, DO YOU HAVE TO KEEP REMINDING ME OF FISH EVEN IN YOUR COMMENTS!!!!!!!!!!!
June 20, 2008 at 11:53 AM
Nandini Kamat Kunde said…
Yes PD i HAVE to remind you.....someone's gotta do it........hahaha
June 20, 2008 at 3:50 PM
neo said…
Hey dude... very nice post...........However, I would differ on a few of your takes.... There would be women who may not be able to differentiate between potato chips and electronic chips.... and they may slam the door on u.... the imp qn is ... would you want to get married to someone like her? !!!!Think!!!!
As far as a meeting is concerned.... I would still want to sit by the sea side... and have a chat with a girl....



Cheers!!!!
June 20, 2008 at 4:50 PM
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