Rental Agreement
The IT boom down south ensured a healthy influx of talented and non-talented proffesionals in the city of Bangalore. The city wasn't fully equipped to handle this and the locals had to do lots of adjustments. One of the most important provisions was to provide a place to stay, for the hoardes of people who came. Some folks used this oppurtunity to make some quick money. They renovated their bungalow style houses and added a few more floors on top of their own ground floor apartment, so that they could make rooms there and rent it out.
It appears that there are very few Architects in Bangalore or the ones available are too expensive, but for some reason, the house owners here decided to put on their drawing hat and make the blue print for the renovation themselves. The consequences of their actions are visible for everyone to see when they go house hunting -
1. Ask for a house with atleast two toilets and the agent will show you a room with a single toilet having both an Indian and English commode (next to each other) and proudly say: "Sir see.....two toilets"
*&*#$%
2. Ask for a two bedroom apartment and most likely you will find that one bedroom is coluored in bright yellow, the other in almost flourescent green and the hall in dark pink!!....I cudn't even identify the exterior colour, so please don't ask me.
3. You also keep getting news from other techie friends, who are also looking in the same area -
"Don't go to place X, it's not at all good....because its LINUX based"
Me: "Kya????"
"It has no WINDOWS!!!...hahaha"
%^&##$
Finally, you find a place that you kinda like and negotiate with the owner on the financials. You demand that he gives you a wardrobe and other neccessary stuff and in return he uses his broken hindi to say:
"Tumhare liye humne geyser banya, table banya aur fan banya......ab tum kab agreement sign kariya?"
Yes....the rental agreement, also commonly known, among tenants, as the 'Proclamation of Death'. The agreement which is made on a Rs.20 or Rs.50 stamp paper reads something like this -
"This is an Agreement of Rent made on this Day of this 'manhoos' Month in this 'unfortunate' Year, between Mr. Y.W.X.C.Q Venkataramana, henceforth reffered to as 'OWNER' and Mr. Prasan Shanbhag, henceforth reffered to as 'BAKRA'.
1. As per this agreement, the OWNER agrees to rent out a small, tiny, minuscle part of his palatial house to the BAKRA for a period of 11 months.
2. The BAKRA in turn agrees to pay the OWNER half is monthly take-home salary as Rent, even if it means that the BAKRA may have to go without food for a few days.
3. Also, the BAKRA has to deposit with the OWNER, three quarters of hs life-time savings till date, for the aforesaid period, after which the amount will be returned to the BAKRA, if the OWNER deems fit.
4. The OWNER may also deduct some amount from the deposit on terms of any structural damage, which is commonly described as a 1mm crack in the wall of the bedroom or 2mm crack in one tile in the bathroom.
5. The OWNER may keep the aforesaid deposit in the bank and gain 10% interest on it, but may not pass any of it to the BAKRA.
6. If somehow, within the 11 month period, the BAKRA realizes that he has become a 'bakra' and wishes to leave, he has to provide 3 months as notice period, during which time the BAKRA has to continue acting like a 'bakra'.
7. Similarly, if the OWNER feels that the mutton coming of BAKRA is not that tasty, he may ask the BAKRA to vacate within 3 months time, in which case the BAKRA will have to continue acting like a 'bakra'.
8. The BAKRA agrees to share all electricity and water costs despite of the fact that there may be no electricity or water during most times.
9. The OWNER has all the rights to squeeze out the blood, flesh and, if neccessary, the sweat of the BAKRA during this 11 month period without any opposition from the BAKRA."
Signed: OWNER / BAKRA / 2 WITNESSES
The two witnesses sign the document, shake hands with the BAKRA and than the OWNER and whisper to the OWNER with a smile on their face:
"Enjoy your year long supply of Mutton Biryani!!"
Inspite of all this, the poor tenant has a few hopes of his own:
1. He hopes that there might be a few good looking babes in the surroundings, to whom he can sing "Mere Saamne Waali Khidki mein....ek chand sa tukda rehta hain".
But this hope of his is dashed by his friend who passes that area one day, calls him and says -
"Oye, pata hain, tere samne jo room hain....it's been rented by 4 african hippos....haha....I mean girls. Tera toh full-on timepass hoga"
%^*##$
2. Last, but not least, he hopes that the next time he goes renting, his landlord is none other than the one and only Rajni saar, who'll simply say -
"Ay kaanna, Welcome....sign the Agreement of Rent-ta,
after signing, Rajni will extract, from you, even your last cent-ta!!!
HA HA HA....jujupi"
It appears that there are very few Architects in Bangalore or the ones available are too expensive, but for some reason, the house owners here decided to put on their drawing hat and make the blue print for the renovation themselves. The consequences of their actions are visible for everyone to see when they go house hunting -
1. Ask for a house with atleast two toilets and the agent will show you a room with a single toilet having both an Indian and English commode (next to each other) and proudly say: "Sir see.....two toilets"
*&*#$%
2. Ask for a two bedroom apartment and most likely you will find that one bedroom is coluored in bright yellow, the other in almost flourescent green and the hall in dark pink!!....I cudn't even identify the exterior colour, so please don't ask me.
3. You also keep getting news from other techie friends, who are also looking in the same area -
"Don't go to place X, it's not at all good....because its LINUX based"
Me: "Kya????"
"It has no WINDOWS!!!...hahaha"
%^&##$
Finally, you find a place that you kinda like and negotiate with the owner on the financials. You demand that he gives you a wardrobe and other neccessary stuff and in return he uses his broken hindi to say:
"Tumhare liye humne geyser banya, table banya aur fan banya......ab tum kab agreement sign kariya?"
Yes....the rental agreement, also commonly known, among tenants, as the 'Proclamation of Death'. The agreement which is made on a Rs.20 or Rs.50 stamp paper reads something like this -
"This is an Agreement of Rent made on this Day of this 'manhoos' Month in this 'unfortunate' Year, between Mr. Y.W.X.C.Q Venkataramana, henceforth reffered to as 'OWNER' and Mr. Prasan Shanbhag, henceforth reffered to as 'BAKRA'.
1. As per this agreement, the OWNER agrees to rent out a small, tiny, minuscle part of his palatial house to the BAKRA for a period of 11 months.
2. The BAKRA in turn agrees to pay the OWNER half is monthly take-home salary as Rent, even if it means that the BAKRA may have to go without food for a few days.
3. Also, the BAKRA has to deposit with the OWNER, three quarters of hs life-time savings till date, for the aforesaid period, after which the amount will be returned to the BAKRA, if the OWNER deems fit.
4. The OWNER may also deduct some amount from the deposit on terms of any structural damage, which is commonly described as a 1mm crack in the wall of the bedroom or 2mm crack in one tile in the bathroom.
5. The OWNER may keep the aforesaid deposit in the bank and gain 10% interest on it, but may not pass any of it to the BAKRA.
6. If somehow, within the 11 month period, the BAKRA realizes that he has become a 'bakra' and wishes to leave, he has to provide 3 months as notice period, during which time the BAKRA has to continue acting like a 'bakra'.
7. Similarly, if the OWNER feels that the mutton coming of BAKRA is not that tasty, he may ask the BAKRA to vacate within 3 months time, in which case the BAKRA will have to continue acting like a 'bakra'.
8. The BAKRA agrees to share all electricity and water costs despite of the fact that there may be no electricity or water during most times.
9. The OWNER has all the rights to squeeze out the blood, flesh and, if neccessary, the sweat of the BAKRA during this 11 month period without any opposition from the BAKRA."
Signed: OWNER / BAKRA / 2 WITNESSES
The two witnesses sign the document, shake hands with the BAKRA and than the OWNER and whisper to the OWNER with a smile on their face:
"Enjoy your year long supply of Mutton Biryani!!"
Inspite of all this, the poor tenant has a few hopes of his own:
1. He hopes that there might be a few good looking babes in the surroundings, to whom he can sing "Mere Saamne Waali Khidki mein....ek chand sa tukda rehta hain".
But this hope of his is dashed by his friend who passes that area one day, calls him and says -
"Oye, pata hain, tere samne jo room hain....it's been rented by 4 african hippos....haha....I mean girls. Tera toh full-on timepass hoga"
%^*##$
2. Last, but not least, he hopes that the next time he goes renting, his landlord is none other than the one and only Rajni saar, who'll simply say -
"Ay kaanna, Welcome....sign the Agreement of Rent-ta,
after signing, Rajni will extract, from you, even your last cent-ta!!!
HA HA HA....jujupi"
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